I also have (unpainted, mind) her, her. and her. And I covet her (it’s OK though ’cause she’s not my neighbour’s wife). I’ve got my eye on Mrs. Pike. And then, well, there’s her. Basically any woman swingin’ a pin or a pan. My mother — God rest her soul — was a firm believer in what she called “the cast iron hearing aid.” Then again sometimes it was a “two-by-four hearing aid.” Those poor ol’ Moors wouldn’t have stood a chance.
These gals are Part I of my planned Vimens and Vermins game. Now to get my lunch hooks on Warlord’s looters.
A classic among classics; the original Citadel Noise Marine.
A different bard, who rocks so hard.
Star Bard, once the front man for the space-poc metal band Man’sLaughter, now tours solo. Ever since that night. The night the show went horribly wrong; he and his manager were the only survivors. Now encased in his encounter suit he travels the levels, bringing the MetAl!
He calls for(th) the …
SCHOOL OF ROCK
Bards of the School of Rock are hard-traveling thrashers. They seek to leave their audiences drenched in sweat and exhausted at the end of each performance. And they wanna have a good time! Their favourite venues are taverns and caverns; the crowds and the acoustics are just better. These entertainers are unfazed by trivialities like demographics or chamber size. Each pursues and produces his own unique ouevre; some sing about abuses of power, some bark out anthems to angst and doubt, others compose grand sagas about heroes of their own imagining. Whatever the style and material of the individual bards there are only two reactions to what they do, love it or hate it.
On occasion a gathering of Rockers will form an adventuring party — a band — and travel across the land — they call it going on tour — bringing their unique blend of styles, lyrics and rhythms to a wider audience than they might reach as individual entertainers. [The band can include a number of members up to the highest Proficiency Bonus among them.]
When you join the School of Rock at 3rd level, you gain proficiency with carousing*, heavy armour and one other skill of your choice. Alternatively, you can forego heavy armour and the skill of choice and gain the Tavern Brawler feat instead.
[*: You can add your Proficiency Bonus to both the GP/XP roll and the poison saving throw.]
Also at 3rd level, you learn how to use your instrument as a melee weapon without damaging it. One-handed instruments strike as a handaxe; two-handed instruments hit as a battleaxe.
At 6th level, you can use your instrument as a ranged weapon. One-handed instruments have range and damage equal to a dart; two-handed instruments have range and damage of a javelin. All damage is thunder obviously.
SHOCK AND AWE
At 14th level, you can cause (your CHA + Proficiency Bonus) sentient creatures within earshot of you to either (50/50) recoil in despair, disgust and terror or slam, bang and throw horns for (your CHA + Proficiency Bonus) rounds. Creatures closest to you are affected first, then those further away. Divide each group, type or race of creature (e.g., half-orc thugs, bullywugs, human watchmen, githyanki, dwarf peasants, etc.) present in two; one half move away at their base speed while the other half stop everything to rock out. PCs, and NPC bosses and solos get to save as though you were attacking them with a bard spell; if they succeed they can act as they wish, if they fail they will (50/50) take off or thrash on. You can do nothing but play your instrument, sing and move at your base speed for the duration of the performance.
Non-sentient creatures are unaffected by your licks and kicks. [Alternatively, DMs may decide some animals attack because of the noise while others cower from the racket.]
You can do this (your Proficiency Bonus) times before needing to recharge with a long rest.
A band of Rockers can affect (highest CHA + highest Proficiency Bonus among them) x (highest CHA + highest Proficiency Bonus among them) sentient creatures within earshot. Saves against a band’s Shock and Awe use the highest spell save DC in the bard group. They can do this (lowest Proficiency Bonus in the band) times before needing to recharge with a long rest.